To Fight or Not To Fight

“There was this older kid at the slide and he just pushed my son. Normally, my son would walk away but that day, he was absolutely furious. He pushed the older kid back. I had to tell him not to and get him out from the playground.” this mommy friend was sharing with us over breakfast on Sunday.

That sounds rather familiar. Incidents like this have happened so many times when Ryan was playing at the playground where other kids, especially the older ones just pushed him around. Most of the time, I would quickly stepped in and asked Ryan to politely walk away and play something else.

I am not quite sure why I always do that. Thinking back, I guessed firstly, I really do not want Ryan to get hurt and secondly I don’t want him to get into fight. Ryan would obediently walk away but mostly with a look that shouts “WHY? WHY ME? I WAS THERE FIRST! THIS ISN’T FAIR!”

Herein, is my dilemma, just as this friend later shared. We have dreamed and wanted our children to grow up to be go-getters, not afraid to go after the things that they want in life, to be motivated and to be strong enough to defend themselves in the real world when they grow up. Yet, here we are, telling them to walk way despite being bullied, to give up their rights just because they are being pushed around. So, what message are we sending to our kids exactly?  Instead of fortifying our teachings at home, I am contradicting myself when the test of courage is before him.

Should he fight back? Should he stand his ground and defend what is rightly his? Should he risk the possibilities of being beaten up, defending what is right and just? Or should he simply walk away from a fight, not wanting to create a scene and just want to be the MR NICE GUY?

I am not quite sure. Honestly, I have been taught to walk away and back off so many times as far as I could remember when I was younger, and that has grown into an adverse effect on me, where I would back off from many arguments even though I know deep in my heart that I am right. For the same of so-called diplomacy, I have many times held my tongue and allow others to occasionally step all over me, only to feel frustrated later. Maybe, it is our Asian, in particular MALAYSIAN culture, to be always polite, seen by others as a sign of weakness to a point of being exploited.

I have seen very aggressive Caucasian children and mainland Chinese kids are no different when it comes to aggression in getting what they want. Is it time for Ryan to learn to step up and to be equally aggressive to defend what is rightly his?

What do you think? Maybe, that is one reason why I started him on his Shaolin kung fu classes, not only to build discipline but also to build self confidence, knowing that he will be able to defend himself adequately.